Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 23 July 2012

image for Suri Cruise Is Depressed - Mama Katie Holmes Promises To Buy Her A Toy Store
Suri Cruise is probably the youngest person in the U.S. with her very own McDonald's Deluxe Credit Card.

NEW YORK CITY - Katie Holmes has said that filing for divorce from Tom (Cruise) is like having the weight of 500 pizzas lifted off her feminine shoulders.

She spoke with Tilapia Frisbee of The Right Coast Illustrated Revue and said that had she known she was going to feel this exuberantly free she would have filed for divorce three years ago.

Katie was asked about the word circulating from the rumor mills that six-year-old daughter Suri although not showing it outwardly is a bit depressed.

Holmes shook her head as she got a tear in her eye. The concerned mother then admitted that her daughter's sadness is the one negative thing about the whole divorce situation.

She pointed out that two nights ago she quietly watched as little Suri played on the floor of her 30 foot by 30 foot luxuriously exquisite bedroom with her Barbie and Ken dolls.

Suddenly she heard Suri say as she held Barbie in her left hand and Ken in her right hand, "Okay, Kenny, this is it buster. I have decided to end our darn marriage because I am bored as hell with you."

The 33-year-old Holmes said she could not believe her little girl's horrendous language and she immediately took away both dolls and told her that she would not get them back.

Suri looked up at her mom and replied sarcastically, "That's okay. I'll just get my cell phone and call up daddy and get him to FedEx me a whole box full of brand new Barbie and Ken's."

Katie realized that Suri had her wrapped around her little finger. She told her to please not call up her dad and that she would take her shopping in the morning and she would buy her, her very own toy store.

Suri grinned. Katie left the room. And the six-year-old did a two thumbs up and softly whispered out, "Yesss, I got her in the palm of my little, bitty, spoiled brat hand."

In News From Australia. The amazing kangaroo stampede which took place last Saturday just outside of Woy Woy, Australia, has been blamed on two adult male kangaroos who got into a fight when one kangaroo stuck his hand in the pocket of the other one's girlfriend.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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