Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 25 July 2012

image for Christina Aguilera Feels She's On An Emotional Roller Coaster
Christina has been criticized by Joan Rivers, Sarah Palin, and Sean Hannity for wearing way too much make up.

LAS VEGAS - Christina Aguilera recently won $173 at a Las Vegas casino slot machine. She reportedly told one of the other patrons that she felt that it was a sign that her bad luck was changing.

Aguilera said that ever since she flubbed the words to the "Star Spangled Banner" at the 2011 Super Bowl in Dallas things have kind of been going downhill for her.

She recently revealed to the harmonica player in her band Bernardo "The Tongue" Tomatillo, 19, that at times she feels like she is on an emotional roller coaster.

She did note that two bright spots are her participation on NBC's The Voice and her hosting duties on The Nourishment Network's hit cable show Makin' Muffins.

Christina says that she is still bothered by the fact that people continuously come up to her and ask if she is pregnant.

She confessed that one day last week while she was dining alone at a Pompous Pizza Parlor in Brooklyn, a little, blue-haired lady approached her at the Parmesan counter, pointed at her belly, and told her that she is predicting that she will have triplets.

Aguilera said that she lost her appetite and could not eat any of the Double Deluxe Pepperoni Pizza or the 8-piece Provolone Cheese Balls Entrée she had ordered.

She pointed out that she will be portraying country music singer Wynonna Judd in an upcoming film titled Mama If You See Me Put Another Piece of Cornbread In My Mouth Please Bite My Lower Lip - The Wynonna Judd Story.

The Staten Island native said that the film's director Bellanino Terrabini wants her to gain 85 pounds so she'll look like Judd.

SIDENOTE: Christina is thrilled to report that her book Makin' Muffins With The Extremely Talented and Sexy Christina Aguilera AKA The Spatula Sultress has just received the honor of being named The Best Food Book in Detroit and The Second Best Culinary Book in San Francisco.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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