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Thursday, 19 July 2012

image for Africanized 'killer' bees swarming on Roundhouse ahead of Amy Winehouse anniversary
RAF search 'n' rescue choppers armed with 'a very large bong' will try to smoke out the swarm

London - "Reckon it started with bizarre alien activity in the Beehive Nebula," a North London apiarist explained this morning, "sent some hives mental just after the Solstice."

News of the swarm brought dozens of firemen to the famous Camden auditorium as an aerial formation of 500,000 mutant hybrids of the Apis mellifera species swooped on the Roundhouse.

The north London theatre is scene of an Amy Winehouse memorial this weekend ahead of the first anniversary of the singer's RIP on Monday.

Last year London beekeepers reported seeing a relatively modest 15,000-strong Africanized colony heading for an aperture in Winehouse's Camden Square chimney-stack a few days after her sudden, unexpected death.

Locals were convinced the insects were 'frantically searching for their Queen' before vanishing inside a time-space portal straddling a bit of extraterrestrial no-man's-land just outside the Whorley [sic] Arms near Camden Lock.

Tonight the swarm appears 'glued' to the conical Roundhouse roof, its low-frequency hum tuned to the key of B-flat.

The area is being cordoned off ahead of a nocturnal attempt to smoke-bomb the colony using RAF search and rescue choppers 'and a very large bong'.

Peter Doherty is 47.

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