Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 19 July 2012

image for Paula Abdul Begs To Return To American Idol
Simon Cowell gave Paula a puppy which she named "T-Shirt" after him.

LOS ANGELES - It's no secret that since leaving American Idol, Paula Abdul has pretty much gone underneath the radar.

The former AI judge recently spoke to Carolina Chipotle of Bedroom Pillow Talk and assured her that contrary to popular belief she has not gone into the Witness Protection Program.

Abdul stated that she does not even know anyone associated with the Mafia except for Brooklyn's Salvatore "The Pizza Man" Goombalini, head of the Goombalini family, but she was quick to add that Sal has always been like an uncle to her.

She also wanted to state for the record that she is not at all responsible for the marital breakup of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes as the supermarket tabloid Say What? erroneously reported in its most recent issue.

The former Laker Girl who turned 50, this past June 19, revealed that now that Jennifer Lopez, Steven Tyler, and Randy Jackson are all leaving American Idol that she would love to return to the show that she described as the greatest show since The Ed Sullivan Show.

Abdul, who adamantly has denied that she is dating Jon Gosselin, confessed that she has texted the shows producer Bernadette Penderlicki and begged her to take her back as an American Idol judge.

Paula confessed that she told Miss Penderlicki that she will promise to try her very best to control her incessant crying.

Late Breaking News. Tom Cruise has said that he's just had his 'Katie Rocks' tattoo lasered off of his lower back

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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