Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 17 July 2012

image for Last Night of the Proms to be performed by the Brackley High School Orchestra
Rock on Britannia

In a break with tradition stretching back over ten years, the London Philharmonic Orchestra will not be performing their rousing numbers at the climax to the Proms, The Last Night of the Proms. Instead, Brackley High School Orchestra will take to the stage and attempt to recreate all of the massive anthems that Prom Goers have come to know and love.

"Brackley High School's instruments are a little long in the tooth," admitted the head teacher, Jonathan Boyes. "We have a clarinet from the First World War, for instance."

Boyes doesn't think that this will be a big problem.

"To be honest," he said, "the girl who plays it would make a brand new one sound like it was from the Great War."

The orchestra only has one cymbal and one drumstick, so the timpani alternates the use of the drumstick with the cymbal player. The Glockenspiel is missing most of the notes from the upper registers and they only have one violin.

"We feel it doesn't matter that much," said Boyes. "We have young Bradley on guitar, and he's quite good. And any missing instruments, like the oboe, cello and flute can be either played on our 1982 Casio synthesiser or we can make do with a block of wood and a stick."

The change to the traditional line up has been blamed on the Philharmonic orchestra all being dreadfully ill after being on a barge for the Queen's Jubilee. Prom goers will not let the lack of professionalism put them off going however.

"Oh, it's part of our year," said Caorline Wortherington-Smythe of the Hampstead Wortherington-Smythes. "Even if it was one little lad on a kazoo, the summer is not complete with a rousing Land of Hope and Glory and Jerusalem."

This is a fortunate attitude, as Henry Miller, aged thirteen, will be performing Land of Hope and Glory on the kazoo, solo.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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