Written by Lorenzo Lee
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Tuesday, 6 June 2006

image for Keith Richards now ready for role in "Pirates 3"
Keith: Ready for Monkey Business

Connecticut, USA - Rolling Stone Keith Richards has confirmed that he will appear in the highly anticipated third installment of the "Pirates of the Carribean" movie franchise.

"I was initially reluctant to take on the role," said Richards, "but when I practiced my coconut tree climbing, I said to myself, this is going to be bloody easy."

Of course, not so easy. While climbing the coconut tree on the Fiji Islands, Richards sustained some brain injuries, forcing him to undergo surgery.

"Yeah, well, I fell out of the tree, big deal? My brain really needed surgery anyway, so it was sort of, time to get everything done now," the erstwhile rocker said.

The veteran rocker's accident forced the postponement of some dates on the Rolling Stones' current "A Bigger Bang " Tour, but, "who cares, it's just a few million quid blown away, Mick can pick up the tab for that."

It has been widely reported that Johnny Depp, star of the Pirates franchise, has been lobbying for Richards to make a cameo appearance in the movies to play the role of Capt. Jack Sparrow's father. But now, there has been a slight change of plans.

Keith has decided against playing Sparrow's father, and is instead focusing on portraying a monkey in the next Pirates film.

The 62 year old rocker has revealed that his disastrous climb on the coconut tree was part of his "Method Acting" preparation for the role and would settle for nothing less than playing a monkey on the Pirates movie.

"These Hollywood actors, they can play any sort of character, but have they ever tried playing an animal? A monkey, at that? I'm sure Johnny Depp's had a blast trying to play me on screen, but nobody's ever tried playing a monkey," Richards declared while slicing up some bananas.

An insider from the Stones' camp said, "Keith is trying to win an Oscar for this role, you've got to understand. That's why playing Capt. Jack Sparrow just didn't appeal to him. But playing a monkey---now that's got to appeal to the Academy voters. And Keith feels he can make the connection with the voters, having fallen from that coconut tree, he can emphatize with all the monkeys out there."

No word yet from Depp and company, but a monkey is better than nothing.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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