Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 7 July 2012

image for Jessica Simpson Begs LeAnn Rimes To Help Her Lose Weight
Jessica says that she wants to once again look like she did in this photo.

LOS ANGELES - Jessica Simpson had her baby ten weeks ago and the singer/actress has yet to lose any of the weight she gained during her ten month pregnancy.

Jessica gave birth to Maxwell House Drew Simpson-Johnson on May 1, and she is reported extremely upset, angry, and quasi-depressed at the fact that she still resembles a white Moby Dick (her words).

Fajita San Guacamole with Hollywood Innuendo stated that she recently interviewed Simpson at her home and she is so embarrassed about her tremendous weight that she does not even want to go out in the yard and water her prized petunias.

San Guacamole noted that Simpson kinda looks like Wynonna Judd except that Judd has red hair, is married, and cusses like a sailor.

In a desperate move Jessica called up her good friend country artist LeAnn Rimes, who weighs 63 pounds, and asked her to please help her lose weight.

Rimes, who has gotten so gosh darn thin that she can actually wear Barbie Doll clothes, told her that she will see if she can work her into her busy schedule.

Simpson did tell Rimes that she is drinking a liquid concoction three times a day that consists of ketchup, Diet 7-Up, jalapeno seeds, Ex-Lax, a nectarine, and woodchuck lips.

Rimes told her to forget about that diet which she said is called The Baja California Diet.

She pointed out that the diet does not work and it could actually end up triggering a bad case of tonsillitis, a first-degree yeast infection, or cause one or both of her ovaries to become unhinged.

In Political News. Mitt Romney has asked his political campaign team to stop referring to the fact that he is a devout Mormon and focus more on the fact that he has a great-looking head of hair.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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