Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 2 July 2012

image for Lindsay Lohan, The Birthday Girl Turns 26, Going On 6
Paris Hilton drove Lindsay Lohan to her birthday party at The Flamboyant Tortilla Mexican Restaurant.

LOS ANGELES - The Hollywood starlet whose world has suddenly turned into one great big roller coaster ride has just turned 26.

Lindsay Lohan was driven to her favorite restaurant The Flamboyant Tortilla Mexican Restaurant in Avocado Heights by her longtime friend Paris "I'm Hot" Hilton.

Lohan told Tittle Tattle Tonight reporter Pico de Gallo that she has not driven since she slammed her Porsche into the back of an 18-wheeler that was hauling a full load of Russian Roulette Vodka.

The freckle-faced celebutante was wearing a pair of Miley Cyrus Designer Pink Jean Shorts and a lavender T-shirt that read "I'm Not Ditsy, It's The Paparazzi Who Say I'm Ditsy."

Also attending her birthday bash were close friends Ashlee Simpson (Big Jessica's younger sister) and Russell Brand (minus girlfriend Kate Gosselin) who was back in Reading, Pennsylvania attending a meeting with eight-year-old Joel Kevin's teacher regarding his bringing a well-loaded skunk to class for show and tell.

Pico de Gallo said that Canadian pornographic star Voodoo, who recently starred in the X-rated film The Many G-Spots of Spotsy Scarpaletti, was also part of the Lohan party.

Hilton hired comedian Zydeco Dupree to help cheer "LiLo" up since recent events have put her down in the dismal dumps.

Dupree told the party that he thinks that Lindsay is just simply misunderstood which probably stems from the fact that she is 26 going on 6.

Lohan laughed, nodded her head yes, and said that, that's exactly the way that the paparazzi make her feel.

Just then the head waiter and three other waiters came to her table and put a sombrero on her head and sang the traditional song "Happy Birthday" while clapping loudly as if they were at a J.Lo concert.

A cake was soon rolled out that was shaped like a giant placebo pill, which Lindsay says is now the strongest thing she takes.

SIDENOTE: Lohan's on-again, off-again girlfriend and ex-fiancé Samantha Ronson could not attend the birthday party because she said she is allergic to cake, candles, and Paris Hilton.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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