Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 28 June 2012

image for Jessica Simpson Is Still Upset That She Cannot Fit Into Her Bikini Thongs
Jessica says that her goal is to simply look the way she did before she got so humongous.

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - It has just about been two months since Jessica Simpson gave birth to her first child who her fiancé Eric Johnson and her named Maxwell House Drew Simpson-Johnson.

Little Max, as Jessica calls him, was born on May 1, and he weighed a whopping 9 pounds 13 ounces.

One of the nurses at Our Lady of The Silver Screen Hospital remarked that in her 17-year career as a delivery room nurse she had never seen a bigger baby.

The nurse identified as Polly Lolly Vellafino, 40, said that nothing has ever scared her but when she saw Simpson's groin region she came very close to screaming out in shock.

Jessica recently spoke with Tahiti Zeppelin of Hollywood Hors D'oeuvres and she confided in her that she is beginning to experience postpartum depression as well as habeas sadness.

She said that she does not dare look in the mirror because she still feels that she resembles a big white Moby Dick.

Simpson said that her sister Ashlee has started calling her Jess "The Mess" because she says she just seems to simply lie around a lot and not really do much of anything except for counting the freckles on her legs.

Jessica confessed to Miss Zeppelin that the thing that bothers her more than anything else is the fact that she still cannot fit into her bikini thongs.

She said that the other day she caught her husband looking at a picture of her wearing a little bitty pink bikini swimsuit which was taken a week before conception.

Simpson confessed that she actually tried a super diet suggested to her by LeAnn Rimes who only weighs 63 pounds.

LeAnn's diet is a very strict one. It consists of having 3 Rice Krispies for breakfast, 4 kernels of fully cooked corn for lunch, and half a cashew nut for dinner.

Jessica said that she recently saw LeAnn on Piers Morgan Tonight and noted that she is so skinny that she can actually wear Barbie's swimsuit.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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