Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 25 June 2012

image for Ricky Gervais Blames His Downward Spiraling Career On Fellow Brit Piers Morgan
Ricky Gervais has said that the thing that he looks for in a beer is that its wet.

LOS ANGELES - Reports coming out of Tinsel Town state that comedian Ricky Gervais is very concerned about the fact that his career has hit some fairly good speed bumps.

He recently sat down and talked with Hollywood Innuendo's Fajita San Guacamole at The Roseanne Barr Bar & Grill in Avocado Heights.

Gervais opened up about the fact that he feels that the Celluloid City powers that be have placed his comedic genius in an artistic straight jacket.

He said that it all began when the executives at The Golden Globe Awards told him to tone down his act and stop attacking some of Hollywood's most popular and well-respected actors.

The merry old Englishman revealed that he was even told that if he continues to harshly insult well-established American artists he may find himself back in London performing in pubs while drinking to his heart's content.

The man who was nicknamed "Jaws" by Vice-President Joe Biden due to his extremely sharp-as-the-dickens teeth, informed Miss San Guacamole that he blames his downward spiraling on fellow Brit Piers Morgan.

When asked to explain, Gervais said that the last time he appeared on Morgan's show Piers Morgan Tonight, he was allowed to take his beer and drink it at the table while Morgan interviewed him.

Rick "The Stick" as Betty White calls him, noted that as a result he and Morgan ended up having lots of beers.

He quipped that Morgan can certainly hold his beer a whole lot better than he can and so toward the end of the show, Gervais said that he was feeling extremely dizzy and he said some things that he should not have said.

Miss San Guacamole informed him that on that particular night she was watching an episode of the reality show The Muffin Makers on another channel and so she missed his interview.

Gervais said that he really and truly believed that they were already finished with the live show when he made his bitter anti-Piper Palin remarks, along with his sarcastic anti-Oprah Winfrey remarks, and even his extremely cruel anti "First Mama" Michelle Obama remarks.

San Guacamole stated that she remembers hearing about all of the horrible, hateful, mean-spirited, evil, demonic, details of his repulsive rants the next day on television's Bedroom Pillow Talk.

Miss San Guacamole then asked "Jaws" if he had learned his lesson.

Gervais took several gulps from his Lowenbrau Beer, leaned back in his chair, and remarked, "Ick! ahhh...prob'ly not malady. Woss dat, ick! saying you 'merican chaps and chapettes 'ave? Ah yes, you can teash a lil puppy ick! doggy ta sing but ya can't teash an old hounddog, ick! ta bite a bloody, bloomin, blimey, bowlin' ball ick! EH?"

SIDENOTE: Several of Gervais' English friends, including Len Goodman, Cat Deely, and Nigel Lithgoe are trying desperately to get him to check himself into The Henry & Betty Ford Rehab Clinic but the man appears to be as stubborn as a Colorado boulder.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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