Written by Patti Cake
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Topics: Lady Gaga

Saturday, 23 June 2012

image for Lady GaGa - Wardrobe Malfunction or Bodily Function Malfunction?
sick vomit

Fans of Lady GaGa who attended the diva's latest concert tour at the Brighton Dome were shocked and/or amused to see a trail of toilet paper apparently coming from her ladyship's knickers as she mounted the stage last night.

As the crowd left the auditorium there were still whispers and giggles of incredulity.

Our reporter managed to talk to two of the crowd as they headed for the car-park.

Arthur Brook No-Nonsense who admits he is not a fan but only accompanying his girlfriend Sarah Twee boomed "The woman looked ridiculous as usual. At one point she looked like she had been dragged through a dustbin backwards. Her breasts were barely covered by objects resembling empty margarine tubs and she looked like she had the remains of some low-life's Friday night take-away on her head".

Sarah who seemed quite posh but not as posh as Arthur chirped angrily "Oh shut up Arthur what would you know about margarine tubs - you've never had to eat the stuff in your life".

At this point our reported tactfully steered the conversation back to the original query of the toilet paper "tail".

Arthur snorted "Yes that's right....it looked like an Andrex puppy had burrowed its way into her underthings".

Sarah gave him a scathing look. "I felt sorry for her" she twittered "I've actually had it happen to me once or twice. Whenever I use public toilets I cover the seat with toilet paper first for reasons of hygiene and when one pulls one's knickers back up if one is not very careful the toilet paper can get trapped in one's knicker elastic.....very embarrassing".

Arthur was back on his high horse again.

"GaGa's a nutcase" he said "Parading around as she does, its just not 'de-rigueur'. I don't think she is a true blue-blood anyway. I couldn't find her bloodline at all in Mother's Burke's Peerage".

At this point our reporter made her getaway because she was fed-up trying to work out how to spell Arthur's words correctly.

Her last glimpse of the couple as they headed for their car was of Arthur trying to dodge the blows from Sarah's Birkin Ginza Tanaka.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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