Written by Ossurworld
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Friday, 22 June 2012

Yes, there may be a new sports celebrity reality show on the horizon: Celebrity Barroom Brawls.

Just this week San Antonio Spurs' star Tony Parker suffered an eye injury after notable offender in music Chris Brown started tossing bottles around a Manhattan bar in a pique of anger.

We have heard Kevin Garnett call playing basketball games like being in a bar fight where anything goes, but the latest contretemps proves that the public really needs to have its cable TV outlet.

Brawling baseball players usually keep it on the field, but some of the great fights in basketball have gone right up in the stands. Just ask Mr. Metta World Peace. Not a few weeks ago he tried to put an elbow inside Thunder star James Harden's ear.

Aficionados of the brawling athlete concept may well inform us that the MMA bouts already serve this purpose. Metta World Peace is a day late and several thousand dollars short in fines when it comes to fisticuffs.

The public needs to see its most despised players bellying up to the bar and breaking a bottle over an opponent's head.

We lost count of how many concussed athletes seemed to be knocked off their skates in the NHL this season. We'd prefer to see these feats over a cocktail at a bar as someone slips on an ice cube.

No longer would we need to wait for a boxing bout to see Mike Tyson take an earlobe from an offensive athlete and provide a cauliflower ear in its place.

This would certainly give renewed vigor to the Yankee-Red Sox rivalry, or the newly minted fights between the self-same Sox and the Tampa Bay Rays.

For certain a new show called Celebrity Bar Brawls would give new meaning to the terms "Designated Hitter" and "Bean Ball."

The NFL might even have its own segment on "Bounty Hunting," as various New Orleans Saints try to take out the legs of an opposing quarterback in a Mardi Gras barroom setting.

With game rules cracking down on misbehavior of the pro athlete during his game, we need to have the outlet of an off season brawl for true reality experience.

Let's smash that champagne bottle over the bow of another star, christening him in his personal celebrity barroom brawl.

Winner pays all hospital expenses.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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