A leading cardinal has urged Christians to take legal action against the best-selling book The Di Caprio Code, along with the recent film adaptation currently attracting enormous crowds at box offices across the world.
Cardinal Francis Arinze, who was among the favourites to become the new pope last year, spoke out in a TV documentary due to be shown in Rome tomorrow.
"Christians must not just sit back and allow such deceitful views put forth of their religion," said Arinze, adding, "sometimes it is our moral duty to do something drastic."
"The book, written by American, Dan Clown, suggests that movies starring Hollywood heartthrob Leonardo Di Caprio carry hidden messages which call into question the veracity of the Holy Bible"
The book, written by American, Dan Clown, suggests that movies starring Hollywood heartthrob Leonardo Di Caprio carry covert messages that call into question the truth of the Holy Bible, particularly its telling of the New Testament.
The chief disagreement lies over the Di Caprio Code claim that the central figure of Christianity, our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, was in fact a closet bisexual who had a passionate gay affair with the then Roman governor Pontius Pilate who was himself, the book asserts, as gay as Christmas.
The book furthermore depicts the apostle Peter as a violently irrational homophobe who murders gays in his spare time - i.e between fishing trips and prayer sessions with Jesus and the rest of the diciples.
Most controversially, the story alleges that the fundamentalist Catholic organistation, Opus Dei, have kept these facts and more hidden from the rest of society ever since the release of This Boys Life (1993), the first Di Caprio film it says that carries the hidden signs and also starring Robert De Niro and Ellen Barkin ex wife of Gabriel Byrne, who stars in the Usual Suspects along with Kevin Spacey, who himself starred alongside Brad Pitt in Seven who starred beside Kevin Bacon in Sleepers.
One key scene from the story involves the protagonist, Robert Langdonadoni watching the scene from Di Caprio's most famous movie, Titanic, in which Di Caprio is shown sketching Kate Winslett's naked, curvaceous body.
Watching in super slow motion, Langdonadoni notices, as Di Caprio's flicks quickly through his sketchbook, several drawings he has made of Jesus Christ performing oral sex on Pontius Pilate with a very camp looking Pilate appearing to be enjoying the experience immensely.
"Christians across the globe have condemend the work as an "immoral tissue of lies".
At this point in the story, Landonadoni shakes his head theatrically, and murmurs to himself, "Wait a second... this isn't mentioned in the bible".
Another scene describes Langdonadoni watching the Di Caprio movie, The Aviator, in particular the scene where Di Caprio, portraying Howard Hughes, flies Hughes's famous Spruce Goose aircraft for the first time.
Again watching in slow motion, he notices white smoke billowing from the Goose's engine and appearing to form a cloudlike image of Jesus avidly watching Big Brother Live on E4, again a practice commonly associated with gay and bisexual men.
Christians across the globe have condemend the work as an "immoral tissue of lies". The documentary, The Di Caprio Code - A Masterful Deception, was made for the Catholic film agency, Rome Reports.
"This is one of the fundamental human rights - that we should be respected, our religious beliefs respected, and our founder Jesus Christ respected and therefore not be represented as a sick homo," said Cardinal Arinze, still mouthing off.
"Those who blaspheme Christ and get away with it are exploiting the Christian readiness to forgive and to love even those who insult us".
"Clown said, "This is, to me, a highly credible story told in a fictionalised manner. I took liberties with the truth of course, but the basic premise of the book, both it's message and its authenticity, I stick by".
Nigerian-born Arinze is an extreme conservative on moral issues and has a particular antipathy towards overly-camp homosexuals. He once decribed Irish TV presenter, Graham Norton, as "Lucifer the Leprechaun".
Arinze added, "There are some other religions which if you insult their founder with gay slurs they will not be just talking... I won't name names but I think you know who I am talking about".
Pretending to cough, the cardinal added, "Allah".
Arinze's comments follow remarks made by another Vatican cardinal, Angelo Tomato, who urged a worldwide boycott of the film adaptation last month.
Author Clown himself maintains he will continue to stand by the version of Jesus he put forward in the book.
Clown said, "This is, to me, a highly credible story told in a fictionalised and gripping manner. I took liberties with the truth of course, but the basic premise of the book, both it's message and its authenticity, I stick by".
The film, starring Tom Hanks with strange hair and Audrey Tautou looking pretty goddamn hot it must be said, received its premiere at the Cannes Film Festival earlier this month.
Leading UK Catholics and members of Opus Dei had earlier formed a group to respond to the negative impact they expected the film to bring. They are thought to have requested a disclaimer be put in before the film commences stating that "what you are about to watch is complete and utter bullshit. Signed, Pope Benedict XVI"
A Studio Sony spokesperson insisted the movie is a work of fiction and is "not meant to criticise any group, religious or otherwise".
Legal Disclaimer: The author of this piece accepts he could have just gone De Niro to Bacon in Sleeper and also that marital affairs do not count in games of six degrees of separation.