In an unprecedented move, British pop stars, Cheryl Cole and Tulisa Contostavlos have lodged a formal complaint at the UN in New York, following the shocking revelation that gossip columnist, Verity Warbling-Trollblog has been suspended by the Skoob Entertainment News network over an internal matter.
"It's nevvah reet man!" a distraught Chezza commented. "Ah could gan on aboorit leek, but naebody would lissen terrus anyroad sur wot's the point leek? Burrit's aaalll not reet. Norrin mey book at least. Verity was soond as a poond ter me when ah woz in LA wi' yon Dancin' Derek blurk fella, an that, which is mair than yer can tweet aboot yon Coo-ell blurk. It's a reet ootrage is this man. Meks me wanna bray some arsehurl's dooah doon and punch him reet on the conk. Sur it does. Buffty Ginslinger and X-Factor me arse! She's done nowt wrong lyke - sur wuzz've complayened ter the UN and that, pet."*
*To translate, go to: www.idivventunnerstangeordieanthatcannylad.con - ed.
"It ain't right, this," Tulisa added. "Verity's one of the good gels innit. Like. An ting."
"Bollocks!" raged SEN supremo, Buffty Ginslinger. "I paid a sodding fortune to get that bloody lard arsed woman on board, and what do I get in return? A load of absolute shite about how Jodie Marsh probably farts a lot because she eats too many fucking eggs! As far as I'm concerned, Ms Hollywood goss royalty can fuck right off. I've got my eye on a new kid on the block. Reg Bond, from Burnley. He's bloody good and miles cheaper."
That remains to be seen.
More as we get it.