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Saturday, 16 June 2012

image for Burnley's Own Reg Bond Reveals That Whitney Houston Was His Inspiration
Reg Bond's XXX Rated Files, Pictured At Teatime On Tuesday.

Burnley - Former bodyguard to the stars, and now an aspiring fish and chip shop proprietor, Reg Bond, today exclusively revealed to SEN International that his long serving career as a minder to the stars was actually inspired by US diva and soul singing legend, Whitney Houston.

Inspired by Houston's 1992 movie, The Bodyguard, in which Houston appeared alongside Kevin Costner out of JFK and Waterworld, Reg Bond revealed that the movie was the inspiration behind his globe-trotting career as a bodyguard to the stars.

Speaking from his shared room in a Duke Bar B&B, Reg told us, as he cracked a can of Special Brew and hand rolled a cigarette with trembling, nicotine stained fingers:

"She were right tasty back in the day were Whitney. Course, that were before she got into the drugs and stuff. But that film moved me like nowt before in me life. It were when I seen her getting all loved up with Costner that I thought: 'I could do that.' So that's what I did. I was allus a bit tasty like - coming from Burnley you've no option, tha knows? Anyroad, I got on the bus to London and started off bodyguarding Posh Spice. Her out of the Spice Girls. She fell in love with me of course, just like Whitney in the film I'd seen. The rest is history. Or maybe a mystery. Who knows? Do I get paid now? Only Billy Blowlamp wants to borrow a ten spot and I promised I'd give it him afore the pubs open?"

Indeed.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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