Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 16 June 2012

image for Reg Bond Reveals Why He Quit As Lady Gaga's Bodyguard And Went Home To Burnley
Reg Bond Told Lady Gaga In No Uncertain Terms That He'd Had Enough Of The High Life

Although his name is nowhere near as high profile as the stars he has been contracted to protect, Burnley based bodyguard, Reg Bond has finally turned his back on the high life, and returned to the Lancashire mill town with a view to opening a fish and chip shop.

Reg's dramatic resignation as Lady Gaga's bodyguard has thus far been little documented, and to all intents and purposes, Lady Gaga's rock and roll circus rumbles inexorably onwards.

But minus Reg Bond.

Speaking from his temporary base, a Bed and Breakfast establishment in the Duke Bar area of Burnley, Reg said:

"I just got sick of it. New York, LA, Miami, Rio, Sydney - it all gets a bit samey after a while. And Lady Gaga is a bit puddled to be honest. I mean, I could do with the meat dress, and the cockroach hat and all that stuff, but when she spilled me pint in the Dorchester, dahn that London, that was the last straw. I know she were only messin' abaht, but she were showin' off and being loud, and she bumped into me and spilled me pint. About a third of it got spilt on me best suit. So I took her to one side and told her I was aht on it. Told her I were going back to Burnley to open a fish and chip shop. I'd had enough on it. She cried a bit, but she wished me all the best. You can't say fairer than that."

During the conversation with an SEN reporter, Reg revealed that he has his eye on a chippy on Yorkshire Street, not far from Burnley FC's ground.

"It was when I saw the culvert that I knew I was really home," Reg said, as he wiped away a tear. "That was the moment I realised that I didn't need to be around all these celebrities. Home is where the heart is. Tha knows."

Reg also revealed that he has been a close confidante of a host of stars, and has promised to share his amazing stories with SEN readers.

Providing the price is right.

"My chippy will be the best chippy in the world!" Reg enthused in his parting shot. "As well as fresh haddock from Fleetwood, we'll serve frogs legs, pizza, kebabs, and Holland's pies! Nah that's what I really call living the dream! On Yorkshire Street!"

More Reg revelations as we get them.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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