Following recent revelations that former lads mag favourite and reality TV star turned bodybuilder, Jodie Marsh - survives on a diet consisting almost exclusively of eggs and protein shakes, SEN's Verity Warbling-Trollblog has revealed that she would hate to be stuck in a confined space with Ms Marsh.
"Ee gads!" blurted Ms Warbling-Trollblog. "The woman must eat three dozen eggs a day, and drink gallons of protein shakes. The poor lamb must be tortured by trapped wind. And you can bet your life that when that wind finally breaks cover, it's going to be like mustard gas - or worse. Imagine being stuck in a lift with her! You'd probably suffocate and die. Or something equally torturous."
When SEN contacted one of Jodie's people, she told us that Jodie wasn't prepared to comment on wind breakage related topics, but did state that nobody in Ms Marsh's entourage has thus far complained of any overwhelmingly toxic odours emanating from the bodybuilding star, adding that nobody has reported anything remotely untoward.
"I'm hardly surprised by that," Ms Warbling-Trollblog wrote on her website. "All these celebrities and their hangers on are in denial."
In the meantime, a furious Buffty Ginslinger, SEN supremo etraordinaire, summoned Ms Warbling-Trollblog to his 'office' - a portacabin on a construction site in Deptford, where he was holding an impromptu drinks party with a delegation of Russian prostitutes.
"I hired that bloody woman to make up the news and grab readers attention!" he reportedly fumed. "And the best she can come up with is a low grade celebrity with a fart problem! I'll tell you this - if she doesn't redeem herself pretty soon with some juicily salacious titbit or other, she'll be picking up her P45. Yes indeed! I hope she's got a bloody good explanation for this rubbish. It might be acceptable in la-la land, but we here at SEN cater for a somewhat more discerning audience."
More as we get it. Probably when the fireworks start.