Written by IainB
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Wednesday, 13 June 2012

image for Elvis Presley to reform
Coming to a Las Vegas Casino near you! Assuming you live in Las Vegas, otherwise it's far away

The King of Rock'n'Roll, Elvis Aaron Presley, it set to make a shock comeback to the music scene thirty five years after his death.

"We've just developed the technology to reconstitute a whole human being from just a puddle of preserved vomit," said head of the project, and massive Elvis fan, Aaron Preston. "We were lucky we had that."

According to Preston, it has taken several goes to extract the King's DNA from the preserved vomit, as they have already cloned three different types of burger and a bluebottle. Surprisingly, they have yet to clone a carrot.

They eventually scraped enough of Elvis's DNA together to make a complete Elvis.

"We've had to chip away some encrusted lipids," said Preston. "So we may be looking at reforming a thin Elvis, and not the obese chuffer who gorged himself to death on the lav."

Noel Gallagher, an outspoken musician from Burnage, Manchester, has spoken his thoughts about the reforming of Elvis, during his speech at opening the new Lidl in Failsworth.

"It makes me sick," said Gallagher. "Or it would do, if I didn't think some scrote would save it to clonme me when I'm dead. I'd rather ride the new tram to Oldham than listen to a cloned Elvis. I didn't even rate him the first time around. I now declare this Lidl open."

It is hoped that, although he won't have any of Elvis's life experience. cultural immersion or upbringing, that the Elvis 2.0 will have all of the talent of the original, and none of the eating disorders.

"If we get him hooked on the right drugs this time round," said Elvis's former manager, Don Key, "then at least he won't get fat."

The worst case scenario for the cloners is that Elvis Mark Two will prefer rap.

"That would be totally embarrassing," said Preston.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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