Limelight and cheeseburger loving "Jersey Shore" non-entity Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi has been offered $5m NEVER to remove her clothing again after photographs of the pint sized.....(Ed, please tell me what she is?)....were leaked online, causing distress to thousands and in some cases turning previously straight men into gays.
The photos, which show the dwarf like reality celebrity revealing her body in an open white bathrobe are said to be "hideous" some even claiming that the images could lead to nightmares and in some cases serious mental issues for men, not correctly prepared to see a nude Snookie.
The $5,000,000 has been offered by a conglomerate of sports franchises, breweries and truck businesses, fearful that their turnover will suffer if more men, upon viewing the vile images, become homosexual.
"There is a real danger" said strip club owner Ben Peacey "that if this girl continues to flaunt her revoltingly misshapen torso that the ratio of straight men to gay men will shift dramatically, thus affecting the natural order of the universe. The whole future of our species, never mind my " titty" bar business takings, could depend on this woman remaining clothed."