LOS ANGELES - Simon Cowell had just returned to his X-Factor office building after taking his brand new $1 million Veyron Bugatti for a spin up the Pacific Coast Highway to Oxnard.
He was met by Pico de Gallo with Tittle Tattle Tonight. The two exchanged pleasantries and Cowell invited him up to his luxurious office with it's expensive imported Spanish furniture from Valencia, Spain.
De Gallo asked the man of a dozen nicknames how things were going with his year old "baby" X-Factor.
Cowell, who is a heavy smoker, took a puff from his Marlboro and said that things are good considering the mess that he had to trod through back in January.
"The Sultan of Sarcasm" was referring to the January X-Factor Massacre in which he fired judges Paula "Touchdown" Abdul and Nicole "Teardrops" Scherzinger, along with host Steve "Plain Vanilla" Jones.
De Gallo asked if he had heard from any of the three. He grinned and said that Paula keeps calling him up and begging for him to give her another chance.
He stated that Nicole has not spoken to him but she did send him a very unflattering email which attacked his T-shirt collection.
And regarding Steve, Simon said that he has heard rumors that Jones has been seen out carousing with the likes of women such as Vanessa Bryant, Katy Perry, Heidi Klum, and Svetlana Hickenbrewster.
De Gallo asked him who in the world Svetlana Hickenbrewster was. And "The Count of Criticism" replied that she's a leading Hollywood stunt woman who did all of Scarlett Johansson's amazing stunts in her latest movie The Vavavooming Vampires of Venice Beach.
Cowell was asked about a rumor making the rounds about Spears and Lovato not getting along on the show.
An embarrassed Cowell answered that the rumor is in fact true. He noted that Britney, who is 30, is jealous of 19-year-old Demi's age.
And Demi is jealous that Britney keeps referring to herself as X-Factor's "Blonde Babe."
But their latest spat occurred when Spears accused Lovato of having a blemish on her tongue and hiding it with Blemishes Away Cream.
Lovato then stated that she would rather have a tongue blemish than be branded with the term, the world's biggest lip syncer.
Cowell said that noted hair stylist FuFi Fondue and his twin sister FiFi had to separate the two but not before Britney had scratched Demi's right funny bone and Demi had bitten Britney on her love handles.
Britney told Demi that she still has baby fat on her face and Demi shot back by saying that Britney has cellulite on her thighs that resemble a huge bowl of Quaker Oatmeal.
"The Viceroy of Venom" has made it abundantly clear that if Spears and Lovato do not stop with their petty fighting he will fire them both quicker than Wynonna Judd can say "Pass me da Butterball mama."
SIDENOTE: Pico de Gallo probably knows more about the bodies of female celebrities than anyone else in Tinsel Town since he is the author of the best selling celebrity themed book The Airbrushed Secrets of LaLaLand's Sexy, Sultry, Starlets.