Written by Tommy Twinkle
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Sunday, 10 June 2012

image for Prince William To Lose His Teeth Due To Rare Condition - Wife Kate's Could Soon Follow!
'The Coathanger' .

On the advice of royal physicians Prince William is to have all of his teeth extracted. Unlike normal people William's teeth have never stopped growing though up until just a few weeks ago there rate of growth had remained more or less steady. Most of his teeth continue to grow very slowly, it is the teeth along the front, both top and bottom which are now growing out of control. Explains royal dental surgeon Dr Lucy Ferr, who will be carrying out the extractions;

"I'd been hoping they'd grow slower again after this recent phase, but last Sunday night following the river outing with his grandmother it became clear that action would have to be taken. Fortunately we had the CCTV cameras installed in his and Kate's bedroom to keep him under observation when asleep. At just after three o'clock on Monday morning his front lower teeth suddenly grew by more than two inches in just thirty seconds. One of my colleagues on duty rushed into the bedroom with a dental file and managed to get the offending teeth filed down again in the nick of time. Any later and those lower front teeth would have been through the top of his palate, through his head, and out through the top of his skull."

Both William and Kate are said to be worried that even after the teeth have been extracted by Dr Ferr a new and even faster growing set of gnashers could then arrive to replace them.

"It's impossible to say," admits Dr Ferr. "I've explained to William and Kate how rare a condition this is and so we really don't know what to expect. We think it's related to a condition called The Coathanger, except that with The Coathanger it affects teeth at the sides of the mouth causing them to grow forever sideways. Unfortunately with that condition the teeth do become replaced by another set following there extraction and the new teeth at the sides of the mouth do then grow much longer and more rapidly than the original ones.

'It can be passed on to others through saliva unfortunately. Whether Kate has already become infected is too early to say, but as a recently married couple one has to assume they have exchanged the occasional kiss. Kate does insist though that she had enormous teeth long before ever meeting William so it would be wrong to jump to any conclusions just yet.

'I have advised the Duchess of Cambridge to simply blow some loving kisses to her husband from a distance in future just to be on the safe side, and to take other sensible precautions such as wearing a bag over her head when having any close physical contact with her husband. Meanwhile she has promised to measure her teeth every morning and to inform either myself or one of my colleagues immediately if they suddenly burst into life. Rest assured that the files are ready for her if or when she needs them."

The operation to remove William's teeth is expected to be performed within the next few days. Our thoughts are with William and Kate at this difficult time.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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