"Actress" Lindsay Lohan has contracted the dreaded "zombie virus" but she may have unwittingly found a cure for the epidemic that affects the brain due to her brain not being as developed as other victims.
Lohan, 25, was taken to the UCLA Medical Center in Santa Monica, California, and was released less than two hours later, after she began foaming at the mouth, bit her publicist and then crashed into another car. Luckily no one was hurt however the "actress" was placed in quarantine and army personnel called when it became apparent she had the virus. However, after a few hours the virus subsided and she returned to her normal state, her brain to small to absorb the virus.
"She is fine," said a spokesman, adding that Lohan "is already headed back to the set to resume work."
"Fortunately, no one was seriously injured in the accident and now we know that the virus can be halted, thank god Lindsay got it, the doctors have come up with a vaccine that temporarily will reduce victims brain capacities to that of Lindsay's - we must all thank her for being such a dumb ass!"
Unfortunately the vaccine was too late in coming for race horse I'll Have Another, who contracted the virus yesterday and was destroyed, however, it will gladden the hearts of the horses fans and owners that the horse had a bigger brain capacity than at least one adult human.