Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 9 June 2012

image for "Fearne Cotton To Buy A Komodo Dragon To Ward Off Cyber Bullies" Says Verity Warbling-Trollblog
A Komodo Dragon, Pictured On A Toilet Having A Number Two And Reading The Dorking Review.

BBC TV presenter Fearne Cotton is to buy a Komodo Dragon as an attack pet in order to fend off cyber bullies and potential stalkers, SEN has learned.

Ms Cotton has complained that people are unncessarily cruel and hurtful, after widespread condemnation of her BBC input during the Diamond Jubilee celebrations.

And she says that she isn't taking it any more.

"She told me that she was going to buy a Komodo Dragon for personal protection, and take it for walks around West London on a lead with a diamond studded collar," SEN reporter Verity Warbling-Trollblog reported. "And she said she's going to keep it in a fish tank in the spare room and feed it on live goats and sheep. But probably not human children, or dogs."

Komodo Dragons are a throwback to the era of dinosaurs, can grow up to ten feet long, and their bites usually prove fatal because their saliva is loaded with bacteria.

In their own habitat of Komodo Island in the Pacific, they have been known to kill and eat small children, and are definitely not the kind of animal a person would want to mess about with.

"That's why she wants one," Ms Warbling-Trollblog tweeted. "I think it's a revenge thing!"

Duty Sergeant Bob Clackett told SEN from his desk at Kensington Police Station:

"I'm not sure where Ms Cotton stands as far as keeping a Komodo Dragon as a pet. Personally I'm not keen on the idea of a dangerous reptile with venomous saliva marching around the borough unsupervised. No matter how strong its lead is. And tarting it up in a diamond studded collar won't make it any less dangerous. Now will it?"

SEN Supremo Buffty Ginslinger was delighted by Ms Warbling-Trollblog's first SEN report.

"Brilliant!" he told us as he knocked back an extra large single malt in a Kings Road wine bar, but we couldn't make out any further comment he made, as he had his face buried in the ample cleavage of what appeared to be a Thai ladyboy. Who was sitting on his lap.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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