Written by Ernest Hendrix

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Tuesday, 5 June 2012

image for Tensions backstage at Queen's Diamond Jubilee concert
The Queen

As Britain rocked last night to a spectacular super show for the Queen's Diamond Jubilee viewers were unaware of growing tensions backstage.

It is understood that Sir Cliff Richard and Sir Elton John nearly came to blows over who would duet with special guest star Tattoo from Fantasy Island as the concert was nearing its climax.

Terry Arkey who was selling ice cream backstage says, 'Tattoo was originally due to duet with Cheryl Cole on "When The Boat Comes In" but there was a last minute change of plan when Gary Barlow insisted Cheryl duetted with him on his new arrangement of "Baa, Baa, Black Sheep".

'Tattoo then flew into a rage, grasping Barlow by the neck and demanding that he duet with either Sir Cliff or Sir Elton.'

'Things then began to get ugly as Cliff and Elton both insisted it was their God given right to sing with Tattoo.'

'Luckily things were quickly resolved when Sir Paul McCartney invoked the wisdom of King Solomon and sagely said,

"Cut the living Tattoo in two, and give half to Cliff and half to Elton."

'Tattoo then said, "De plane, De plane" and disappeared into the night.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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