Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 6 June 2012

image for Ricky Gervais Addresses Those Persistent Drinking Rumors
Hoover Dam is located about 200 yards to the right of this gigantic beaver house. (Photo by Gary Busey).

LAS VEGAS - Ricky Gervais traveled to Las Vegas to visit the world famous Hoover Dam.

The British comedian stood in awe as he gazed upon the concrete monstrosity and simply remarked "Damn!" (no pun intended).

Gervais was accompanied by his hair stylist Reginald "Frisky" Friskingham, whom he brought over from England and who resides with him and his live-in Partner of 30 years Jane Fallon.

The British comic was recently asked by Hacienda Dakota with Hollywood Vis-รก-Vis why he has not married Miss Fallon since they have been living together for three decades.

Gervais smiled as he took three sips from his Lowenbrau beer can and replied that one, he does not believe in rushing into marital commitments and two, it is really and truly none of anyone's friggin business.

Miss Dakota told him that he did not have to be so arrogantly testy about it. He took three more sips from his beer and replied, "Oh, but yes I do my dear. Yes I abso-effen-lutely do."

Gervais was then asked about the persistent drinking rumors that have plagued him for years.

He smiled as he took a photo of "Frisky" with the Hoover Dam in the background and remarked that he is tired of people making a big thing out of the fact that his one and only hobby is drinking the hell out of freakin' beer as if it is going out of style.

"Jaws" as he has been dubbed by Vice-President Joe Biden because of the sharp configuration of his teeth, stated that he is seriously thinking about possibly checking himself into The Henry and Betty Ford Rehab Clinic.

"To take care of the drinking problem?" asked Miss Dakota.

"Ah no," answered Gervais sarcastically, "To take care of the math problem."

And with that Miss Dakota informed him that she was ending their interview because if she wanted to put up with bitter sarcasm she would have interviewed Coach Gregg Popovich of the San Antonio Spurs.

In Other News. June 13, is National Bring Your Personal Problems To Work Day, so it may not be a bad idea to ask for the day off.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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