Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 2 June 2012

image for The Green Lantern Comes Out of The Closet
Batman is insisting that he had absolutely no idea that the Green Lantern was gay. (Photo courtesy of Clay Aiken).

CHICAGO - In a move that even caught the Las Vegas oddsmakers by surprise the DC Comics super hero The Green Lantern has just come out of the closet and announced that he is gay.

One of the biggest Green Lantern fans in the nation, Bryton "Skippy" Hessyfeather, 31, of Cicero, Illinois, has every single comic book that "GL" ever appeared in.

"Skippy" stated that he was totally shocked to read in the publication The World Wide What-In-The-World Magazine that "Greeny," as he calls the Green Lantern, is of the sidesaddle riding persuasion.

He emphasized that he had no idea that his all-time favorite super hero would reveal that he would prefer to fly away with a guy than with a girl.

"Skippy" did admit that he kind of had a little bit of a sneaky suspicion when he read in one of the recent DC comics that Green Lantern was sitting in a bar in West Hollywood drinking a Kiwi Margarita with two little umbrellas in the glass.

Coquette Eucalyptus with The West Hollywood Flaming Gazette interviewed Mr. Hessyfeather and asked him if he was still going to be a fan of the Green Lantern.

Hessyfeather smiled and said that he really did not care about "Greeny's" sexual orientation so long as he remains fearless, honest, loyal, and doesn't try to hit on Batman, Robin, Superman, or the Hulk.

Miss Eucalyptus wants to dispel several rumors that have just come out of the notorious Left Coast rumor mill.

One, DC Comics is not changing their name to AC/DC Comics. Two, they are not changing Green Lantern's name to either Queen Lantern or the Chartreuse Lantern.

And three, the toy company that manufactures the Green Lantern Bobble Head Dolls will not be adding a new Green Lantern with a bobbling limp wrist.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I heard from a very reliable inside source that Pipe Dream Films will soon begin production on a new Green Lantern film to be called The Green Lantern Trades In His Power Ring For A Promise Ring. The word on the streets of Tinsel Town is that John Travolta is being considered to play the part of the Green Lantern.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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