Gordon Ramsay Filleted During Charity Soccer Match: American Interest In Game Piques. For Ten Minutes.
Americans got two special treats this Memorial Day: a paid day off to drink, barbeque, drink, hang with friends and family, drink, honor our fallen soldiers and drink, AND watch poncey celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay get knocked the fuck out of a charity football game.
Why? Because in America soccer is played exclusively by 12-year-old girls. As for the U.K., how about The Young Ones, John Cleese, Fish & Chips, warm Bass Ale, Mr. Whippys, the Battle of Lexington and Concord, Heathrow --a double fuck you for that shit-stain-- and the list goes on and on...
"That ain't football, God damn it. Football is when *vomits!*," said second generation Irish-American fire fighter Tommy Gavin, after his second pitcher of Jameson's.
Ramsay was participating in Soccer-Aid, UNICEF's way of showing the world that the United Nations still exists, and acknowledging that there hasnt been a good idea in charitable fundraising since The Boomtown Rats took the stage at Wembley in 1985, when he was gently bumped into by 74-year-old football casualty-case Teddy Nottingham, who starred as "Vinnie Jones" in Madonna's film "Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Snatches".
Ramsay was airlifted to a local hospital, where heroic, pride-saving procedures were briefly contemplated, and then universally rejected.
Ramsay was replaced by boy-band "Take That" lead-singer Robbie Williams, who immediately demanded that the game become Shirts vs. Skins.
Hack comedian Will Ferrell was also injured during the match, which raised $640,000.00 for charity, or 45 times the gross of Ferrell's movie Everything Must Go.