Miss World, the politically incorrect contest for denigrating women, has made a step towards political correctness by installing a disability ramp.
"This isn't the first time we've made a nod towards political correctness," said contest organiser, Remy Stration. "A couple of years ago, we let a transgender person enter. Admittedly, it was because he was absolutely gorgeous, and the most attractive person in Thailand."
With Melissa Devalve winning Miss Lithuania despite being a paraplegic, the Health and Safety brigade have swung into action over the show and forced the organisers to put in disability ramps.
"While they were here," said Stration, "they insisted that all the signs were put up in nine different languages, and that we installed some ladies toilets. What do we need toilets for? These girls haven't eaten in five years."
According to Stration, the contest used to have ladies toilets, but they took the decision to remove them when the cleaning bills got too high.
"Every day it was the same," said Stration. "Vomit everywhere. They can throw up in a bucket now, like everybody else does."
As well as a disability ramp, Miss Devalve will also have her own designated parking space next to the stage door, marked with a disability symbol.
"That's just daft," said Stration. "Mel doesn't drive."
The other contestants are up in arms at the dilution of their contest.
"This is our chance to shine," said Miss USA, Emma Teahead. "How are we to say that we're for complete equality when we want to push Miss Lithuania off a cliff just to see how fast she'd roll?"
The contest organisers are taking on board all of the disability suggestions, but are reassuring fans of the pageant that they are determined to be as misogynistic as ever.