Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 22 May 2012

image for Charles Barkley Says That The Rumors That He and John Travolta Vacationed Together Down In Rio De Janeiro Are Totally False
Barkley says that he has cut back from eating 6 Big Macs a day to only eating 4. (Photo courtesy of Wynonna Judd).

ATLANTA - There is no one on American television who seems to put his foot in his mouth more than Charles "The Round Mound of Rebound" Barkley who is a sports analyst on the TNT Network.

Sir Charles, as his maid Rondella Floetta Jefferson calls him, was asked by Dottie Bazooka of Sports Balls Illustrated Weekly why he is always making bitter sarcastic remarks on the show he appears on with former NBA players Kenny "The Jet" Smith and Shaquille O'Neal.

Barkley, who is rumored to weigh around 404 pounds, replied that for the most part he cannot help it. He stressed that it is just an over abundance of what his doctor calls the BS Gene (Bitter Sarcastic Gene).

Miss Bazooka told him that she has never heard of the BS Gene. He then told her that prior to the interview he had never heard of her and that did not mean that she did not exist.

Barkley then asked the sexually attractive, blue-eyed blonde SBIW reporter if she was married. She replied that she was and that her husband was the Internationally famous wrestler known as The Maniacal Milwaukee Mauler.

"Fat Boy" Barkley turned a little lighter in color and said that he had actually seen him wrestle at The Cotton Pickin' Arena in Tuscaloosa, Alabama last December.

Miss Bazooka remarked that she was also there and that was the night that he took a microwave oven and hit his opponent the Schizophrenic Swamp Sucker over the head with it causing him to loose his balance and fall into the second row.

Dottie added that she recently interviewed the Schizophrenic Swamp Sucker and to this day he does not use a microwave and he cooks everything on the conventional stove.

"Pumpkin Face" as Kobe "The Walking Ego" Bryant calls Barkley, was then asked by Miss Bazooka about the recent rumors involving him and John Travolta reportedly vacationing together down in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.

Barkley started coughing. His face got a little more lighter and he replied that he has never been to Rio de Janeiro, nor has he ever met Johnny Travolta.

He then said "Now look here Miss Bazooka, I has always been DC and I has never ever even one time strayed over into da world of AC/DC like da likes of Clay "Cutey Pie" Aiken, or Ricky "Pretty Boy" Martin, or Adam "Lips of Love" Lambert."

"Really now?" Miss Bazooka asked.

"Yes ma'am, I give you my word as a semi-gentleman dat I duz prefer donuts to hot dogs and dats no lie."

Barkley then said, "And you will now excuse me since I has to hurry up cause I gots me an appointment ta get my fingernails manicured, my toenails pedicured, and my eyebrows waxed, plus a little bit of manscaping done if ya get my drift."

An American Idol Tidbit. Ryan "Peaches" Seacrest told Tittle Tattle Tonight's Tapioca Swizzle that he does not care for his nickname but added that at least it isn't as bad as his nickname in high school which was "Chiffon."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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