Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 11 May 2012

image for American Idol Is Now Down To The Final Three As Hollie "The Little Dolly" Cavanaugh Is Eliminated
These are the American Idol results which are known only to the show's director Nigel Lythgoe.

HOLLYWOOD - Jennifer Lopez, 42, just about stole the show as she performed on American Idol along with her 25-year-old boy-toy Caspar Smart.

J.Lo rocked the house and had fellow judge Steven "Lips" Tyler doing his best to keep his tongue in his mouth.

Randy "The Dawg" Jackson meanwhile was heard saying, "Yo, yo, yo dat J.Lo is one hot girl muchacha!"

Ryan "Peaches" Seacrest stood off-stage grinning from ear-to-ear like the Catalina Island cat that swallowed the Carpinteria canary and trying to make sure that his girlfriend, the deliciously lovely Julianne Hough, did not catch him panting like a teenager.

After the dust settled and Jennifer had called her boyfriend, "My sweet, dancing cutey pie" Seacrest announced the Bottom 2. And it was really no surprise that 18-year-old blonde pixie Hollie Cavanaugh was there along with "The Georgia Growler" Phillip Phillips, 21.

American Idol mentor Jimmy Iovine has stated from the beginning that it would probably end up with Jessica "Itsy Bitsy" Sanchez, 16, going head-to-head with Joshua "Ebenezer Baptist" Ledet.

After President Obama and the first family's favorite Deandre "The Hair" Brackensick was eliminated back on April 5, "The First Mama" has leaned towards Joshua while the president and "The First Kiddoes" Malia and Sasha have voted for Jessica.

And when the moment of truth came, "Peaches" Seacrest asked that the lights be turned down. And just as Woody The Wonder Woodchuck had predicted Hollie was the latest contestant to be sent home.

Woody The Wonder Woodchuck is now 7-2 for the year. Woody's owner wants to dispel the rumor that an investment firm from England wants to purchase Woody and use him to predict the winners of soccer (English football) games.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Ryan Seacrest informed me that Hollie has already been signed to appear in a Crest Toothpaste commercial as well as in a commercial for Revlon lipstick.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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