The numbers of the zombie population have drastically dropped in recent decades, because their primary food source, namely that of brains, has been found sadly wanting in our younger generations. Somewhere between the nineteen-eighties and the year two thousand entire generations have been spawned that carry a peculiar birthmark. They all carry a sign on their foreheads that reads: „Empty space to let!"
They suffer from a further congenital defect, in that they all seem to have a piggy bank for a heart. A kiss for Mummy is estimated at five bucks on today's market. The price for tomorrow is yet to be decided by their CEO, Mister Justin Bieber. And Daddy's companionship is no longer appreciated, because the longer hours he works, the more allowance they stand to receive.
To think that the combined noise of these Twittering brain-dead idiots could be so deafening is astounding. Today's children have even learned to use a computer with only their left hand, because it is all they need to use the Control + C function. There is a report somewhere, which states that over fifty percent of the original content on Twitter is created by one percent of its users, who obviously must be aliens to this planet!
Said aliens probably hail from the planet Bloggy in the Ludicron galaxy, west of Orion and reported to be his favourite peeing spot. Universities everywhere are striving to recover lost DNA from masters of the renaissance, in an effort to revive originality once again, as it has become a lost art form.
Teenagers have invented!!? a word, that of F-tard, which could be used to label them actually, for their combined vocabulary seems to consist primarily of the F-word (rhymes with such), the S-word (it's a hit!) and the B-word (you scratch it!), with slight variations thereon and usually accompanied by lots and lots of rude gestures. Their main concerns are food, their „joysticks" and the search for effective ways of becoming even more annoying to their parents.
When asked what they want to become later on in life, they all steadfastly reply: „A billionaire!", which would be eminently plausible if only they could sell their gigantic egos. But could someone please tell the poor schmucks that by the time they do finally grow up, their „shares" on Facebook will be virtually worthless!
This report has used a lot of euphemisms, because the reality is actually much worse!