Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 9 May 2012

image for Heidi Montag To Star As Patricia Krentcil In The Horror Movie "The Attack of The Tanorexic Woman"
Patricia Krentcil's face has been compared to looking like orange juice with lots of pulp.

HOLLYWOOD - Cinema Castle Pictures will soon begin production on the Sheboygan Saddlewood film based on the New Jersey "Tanning Woman" Patricia Krentcil.

Saddlewood noted that Heidi Montag has been signed to portray Krentcil who is considered to be the most overly tanned woman in the United States and quite possibly the entire North American continent.

Noted tanning specialist Dr. Sherman "U.V. Rays" Raytellino stated that Ms. Krentcil's face has the texture of an old catcher's mitt.

He added that in his 27 year career of dealing with men and women who have over tanned to the point of needing medical, emotional, and mental attention that he has never seen anyone as bad as the woman from Nutley, New Jersey.

Dr. Raytellino confessed that if Ms. Krentcil was a snake someone would have already made boots and a belt out of her.

According to an article that appeared in The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle written by Fuchsia Garfunkel, the Nutley nut job has been described as being one of the scariest looking people in America; even scarier looking that Donatella Versace, Burt Reynolds, Wayne Newton, Joan Rivers, Kenny Rogers, and Jocelyn Wildenstein.

Heidi Montag was asked how she will prepare for the role of "Tanorexic Woman." She smiled and said that the film's make up artist will use five bottles of Tinsel Town Tanning Spray on her to give her that burnt orange tone.

In the film The Attack of The Tanorexic Woman Montag starring as Krentcil will be shown entering a tanning salon. As she talks to the receptionist about getting a tan she is told by the salon manager to please leave the premises.

Montag becomes extremely angry and says that people hate her because they are fat, ugly, uneducated, and also because they are frustrated, bitter, ex-Sarah Palin supporters.

She then proceeds to destroy the salon and runs out the door attacking innocent people until she is subdued by an off-duty sheriff's deputy.

Without giving away too much of the plot "Tanorexic Woman" is arrested and deported to Tierra Del Fuego which is at the extreme southern tip of Argentina.

SIDENOTE: Sheboygan Saddlewood has said that the film will probably receive an "R" rating due to explicit language, semi-nudity, and extremely horrendous close ups of Heidi Montag as Patricia Krentcil.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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