Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 7 May 2012

image for Celebrity Apprentice - Donald Trump Fires Lisa Lampanelli, AKA "The Crying Pit Bull"
Lisa revealed that she is addicted to pizza and eats at least six a day. (Photo courtesy of Wynonna Judd).

MANHATTAN - The Celebrity Apprentice is now down to three contestants as the latest celeb to hear those two dreaded little words "You're fired" from Donald Trump was the overweight, stand up, insult comedian Lisa Lampanelli.

During her stay on the show owned by "The Man With The Hairdo From Hell" Lampanelli used just about every vulgar expletive in the book and even some that she possibly made up, unless they happen to be Swahili curse words.

The dishwater blonde with the Cyrano de Bergerac honker, looked like a lumpy burlap sack of Idaho potatoes whenever she sat next to Miss Universe Dayana Mendoza (Miss Venezuela) or next to super model Patricia Velasquez who is also from Venezuela.

Lisa, who Arsenio Hall said looks like an overly botoxed Ann Coulter, was perhaps one of the biggest weepers to ever appear on Celebrity Apprentice along with last year's rock singer Meatloaf.

It is no secret that Lisa prides herself in using the "N" word and viciously insults Blacks, Hispanics, vegetarians, plumbers, Norwegians, gays, lesbians, bi's, tri's, professional cheerleaders, KIA owners, and pole dancers.

"Trigger Face" as Vice-President Biden calls her, does not like women and she proved it on each episode as twice she came very close to biting two of her fellow female contestants (Mendoza and Velasquez), but luckily an NBC security guard managed to tackle her to the floor on both occasions.

Vice-President Biden feels sorry for "Lard Loins" Lampanelli and he has even offered to personally pay for her to attend therapy sessions with noted District of Colombia psychiatrist Dr. Tremain "The Ear" Earmeister.

Dr. Earmeister has successfully helped such noted celebrities as Charlie Sheen, Mel Gibson, Gary Busey, Naomi Campbell, and Metta World Peace.

SIDENOTE: Lisa Lampanelli is scheduled to meet with the extremely radical, anti-American, wacko group from the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas, in order to pick up some new cruel, heartless, mean-spirited pointers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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