New York City, NY-- The legendary Maggie May was arrested today for having underage sex with teen boys, along with a host of other offenses. The elderly spinster was led out of her tony West Side townhouse in handcuffs. Bail was set at $1 million.
NYPD Detective Ron Wood made the arrest, after listening to an old song on the radio.
"She's a real bitch." said the detective. "And she's been doing this for decades. She needs to pay for her crimes." he said.
The detective said Miss May would befriend high-school aged boys, usually just before the new school year started in September.
"All they needed was a friend to lend a guiding hand. But she turned into a lover, and mother what a lover--she wore them out." he sang.
Besides the various sex charges, Miss May was charged with wrecking a bed, and kicking someone in the head.
Rock star Rod Stewart heard about the arrest, and was eager to make a statement to the press.
"I have been warning about this woman for over 40 years! Why did it take so long for this to happen. Maggie, I wish I'd never seen your face!"