Written by IN SEINE
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Topics: TV

Wednesday, 2 May 2012

image for BBC to televise women's live mudwrestling: Mary Beard v Samantha Brick
"Do you feel pretty?... Punk... Well do you?"

Today, the BBC are planning to show live women's mudwrestling from Glastonbury in a bid to boost ratings after axing "Total Wipeout".

In what is essentially cheap television, the pilot show will feature "I feel pretty" Samantha Brick and "Meet the Romans" Mary Beard in what promises to be a gladiatorial contest. The two combatants have already been limbering up in a war of words with Samantha Brick commenting on how ugly Ms Beard was with her wild unkempt grey hair and her lack of make-up.

Ms Beard told Inseine News "I am totally unaffected by the deluded Mrs Brick who has to spend at least three hours a day looking in the mirror and applying layers of make-up. Don't forget, in these austere times, just think of the TV licence payer's money that I am saving in not using any make up and besides which I think it is appropriate not to wear any because the Romans didn't. I think she is getting confused with the Egyptians who used copious amounts of mascara - and that was just the men! I wanted to look authentic and at least I look real!" she said.

"The battle promises to be exciting and also therapeutic as people, especially women, pay good money for a mud-pack and the mud in Somerset is of the highest quality anywhere in Britain. I just wondered what Mrs Brick will look like when she (or if she) gets to my age?!" She said.

Mrs Brick declined to comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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