Written by Backandtotheleft
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Wednesday, 25 April 2012

Nadine Coyle of Girls Aloud "fame" has signed an agreement to go into the Celebrity Big Brother House. This follows on from her signing a solo record deal with Tesco, which provided a fitting platform for her talents.

A source on the show said with typical Channel Five grace.

"Nadine was part of the biggest girl group in the 2000s so I'm sure she'll have lots of stories of her and her band mate's lezzin up on tour. Plus she's well fit and might get her tits out. That's something everyone can enjoy and by enjoy I mean masturbate to"

Even if she does it won't clear the image of a topless Denise Welch out of our collective minds. That has been burnt onto our retinas and every time we close our eyes the sad old drunk is there, smiling like a fucking retard. We can never forgive Channel Five for that even though they were the visionary channel that screened "The Red Shoe Diaries" when Back and to the Left news were younger.

Back and to the Left news asked if there were to be any real celebrities on the show this year. Our source at Channel Five sadly shook his head and said.

"We tried to get Cheryl but didn't think anybody would understand her."

Nadine was unavailable for comment at the time as she was opening a public toilet in High Wycombe.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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