Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 24 April 2012

image for Masterchef contestant disqualified for his unorthodox dish
Eve Guttering is thrilled to be going through to the next round

Masterchef contestant, Wayne Pipe, has been unceremoniously dumped from the show despite winning, when it discovered that he had bought his signature dish from a supermarket.

In his place, runner up Eve Guttering will go through to the next round.

Pipe had produced what show presenter, Gregg Wallace, called simply a sensational taste explosion of delicately balanced fruits in a crisp and creamy white sauce.

Wallace's co-presenter, John Torode, scraped the bowl clean taking over sized spoonfuls into a gaping maw while making appreciative noises.

"What can I say?" said Wallace after the news broke. "When we tasted his dish, it was amazing. It was refreshing on the palate, had complex intertwining flavours that released delicate odours to enhance the eating pleasure. It even looked good in the bowl. Those small brown flakes, all intricately pressed, contrasting the reds and blues of the fruit all set against a dreamy back-drop of creamy white sauce. How were we to know he'd bought it."

Pipe is saddened by the news of his disqualification.

"It's a bit of a pisser, really," he said. "We're given fifty quid to go and get some ingredients before the show, but I spent most of it on scratch cards. I didn't win anything, either. I had just enough cash to buy a box of Special-K with Summer Berries and a pint of milk."

According to Pipe he was quite surprised that nobody noticed anything amiss.

"I was basically finished in about thirty seconds," he explained. "While everybody else was slaving away, I read Heat. When they asked what I was making, I told them it was pressed wheat with a summer fruit medley drenched in cinnamon cream. The cinnamon was in the breakfast cereal. I've had it before, it definitely makes the milk taste cinnamony."

Pipe would probably have got away with his unorthodox dish if one of the other contestants hadn't noticed the cereal box in a bin by the door.

"Oh well," said Pipe. "It's probably for the best. I can't cook anyway."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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