Written by Becca Marks
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Sunday, 22 April 2012

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA - ABC's The Bachelor contestant Chantelle Martinee was spurned by her former castmates during the 2-hour season finale event, The Ladies Continue to Fight After the Final Picnic on the Beach, Part 4.

Martinee, a 21-year-old assistant to a pastry chef, was openly confused by her fellow contestants' contempt, stating that she "was on the show to make friends".

Former bachelorette Casey-Ann Q. retorted, "We were NOT there to make friends! We came on The Bachelor to find love and make an amazing connection! You were here for the wrong reasons!" All former bachelorettes nodded vigorously in agreement, save Shelby Z. who was attempting to disentangle her hair from her gum.

For our readers who do not watch The Bachelor: coming on the show for the "wrong reasons" is considered to be one of the most heinous offenses, second only to not feeling an amazing connection with the bachelor while drinking champagne in a helicopter.

The season's Bachelor, Philip Jones, a pilot/heart surgeon, stated that he was "disappointed with Chantelle's motives. He had really imagined spending the rest of his life with her."

Chantelle's key critic Casey-Ann could not be reached for comment, as she sustained a serious injury to her superior oblique muscle during an intense eye-roll in the heat of the moment of conflict.

Chantelle encourages her fans to look out for her next project as a contestant on The Real World Road Rules Challenge: Battle of the E-List VII.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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