Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 19 April 2012

image for Demi Moore Pleads With Ashton Kutcher To Take Her Back - AK Replies "Ah, That Ship Has Sailed!"
Two young Hollywood starlets that Ashton Kutcher is currently dating, Lollipop Wildstick (L) and Lexie Amaretto (R).

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Close friends of Demi Moore are very concerned about the health and well-being of the former "Cougar" wife of Ashton Kutcher.

They say that all of a sudden the 49-year-old Moore truly believes that her former "Boy Toy" actually wants her back but is simply waiting for just the right time.

Kutcher, 34, was reached at a private getaway in Veil, Colorado where he told Gazebo Serengeti of Bedroom Pillow Talk that he has no plans to return to Moore and what he refers to as "The House of Nair."

Ashton remarked to Serengeti that with Demi and daughters Rumer, Scout, and Tallulah the smell of Nair, Lady Clairol, White Shoulders Perfume, and FDS permeates throughout the entire house and actually smells like a Hacienda Heights hair salon.

He went on to say that he is quite happy living the single life and participating in non-committed mattress frolicking, va-va-vooming, lap mingling, vo-di-oh-doe-ing, and doing the sis-boom-bahhh.

Kutcher recently made it very clear to Demi after she sent him a text message pleading with him to return that he will not be returning and that, that ship has sailed.

Moore reportedly told a close friend that if Ashton agrees to return to her that she will write him a check for $80,000 no questions asked.

Ashton laughed when he heard that and replied that he makes that much in half a day on Two and A Half Men and that is with no commitments.

Meanwhile Demi's and Bruce Willis' three semi-cute daughters have all reportedly begged Ashton to return to their mom because they are getting tired of finding her teardrops all over the house.

Ashton keeps insisting that he has no desire whatsoever to return to Moore and he proves it by confessing that he recently had his "I Love Demi" tattoo removed from his tongue.

In Late Breaking News. Costa Rica has stated that they are cancelling the launching of their manned spaceship to the sun for the obvious reason.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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