Written by Wire Piddle
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Monday, 16 April 2012

LONDON, U.K. - Reality show phenomenon, Simon Cowell, has revealed plans he is about to start auditions for his next multi-million dollar franchise called 'Musical Parachutes'.

"Look, people.." Mr. Cowell pronounced to the attending media, "...the premise is simple. Put a plane load of amateur singers in the air, switch on a pre-recorded version of Bette Midler singing 'Wind Beneath My Wings', have the contestants march around a pile of parachutes, the music stops, the contestants each grab a parachute, of course one is missing which means someone ends up empty handed, then the crew escorts them out the door. Bye bye. One person, obviously, gets expelled from the competition if only for the fact that he or she ends up in a self created crater, four feet deep and dead from plunging about 10,000 feet, depending on crosswinds and such. Move on to next week...same thing, except one less competitor, take away one parachute. Are you following?"

You mean they don't sing at all?

"To tell you the truth, I'm sort of sick to death of singers, competitions, the drama of it all. This way, we get one track, a fairly decent rendition of a fairly decent song by a proven singer, albeit from one who's literally been through the mill, both creatively and sexually, I mean she did have that affair with that journalist guy, Geraldo something-or-other, and that was last millenium, at any rate, the competitors don't have to sweat it out, week after week, month after month until one poor sod ends up winning the whole thing forcing them into a Faustian contract with me and being chased by the paparazzi until one day they find themselves in a morgue having been put to sleep by some illegitimate doctor who gave them proponol. Get it?"

So how long does the competition last

Well, really, not blood long, until the competitors realize there's very little upside and quite alot of downside, quite frankly, but considering the I.Q.s of most of these young people, it could go on quite awhile. It's really up to the sponsors, if we get any that is....hahahaha.

And with that Mr. Cowell ended the conference and provided the attending reporters with quite a nice spread; Mexican buffet with lots of root beer. Lovely! What a charmer.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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