Written by Gail Farrelly
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Saturday, 14 April 2012

image for Lady Gaga Ties Burlington Bertie's Bow In Savoy Hotel Love Tryst
JUST DANCE, forget about tying a bow.

Okay, that was what several London tabloids were reporting yesterday. But is it true?

"Absolutely not, it's a bunch of hooey," said Lady Gaga, who gave an exclusive interview to a Spoof reporter who happened to spot the famous duo sharing a cuppa today in the teashop at the Savoy Hotel.

Although it was early afternoon, the reporter said that both Lady Gaga and Bertie were wearing tuxedos. But Lady G was adamant that it was NOT a date but a business meeting of two professionals preparing to do a dance album of music hall songs with a 21st century twist.

Gaga claims that the romance tale is just a rumor spread by a wonky-eyed nurse who, with her wonky eyes, sees things that just aren't there. Lady Gaga said with a sigh, "Bertie is a nice guy and all; but for Pete's sake, he and his bow are 112 years old. Gimme a break."

Bertie stopped slurping his tea long enough to nod his head in agreement. With a chuckle, he said, "Talk about a Bad Romance, eh?"

When they finished their tea, the pair donned their tophats, grabbed their walking sticks, and headed for the exit.

At last sighting, they were doing a two-step down the street, enthralling onlookers with a harmonious rendition of the masterpiece by William Hargreaves. The crowd seemed to especially enjoy these lines:

I'm Burlington Bertie. I rise at ten thirty. Then saunter along like a toff. I walk down The Strand with my gloves on my hand. Then I walk down again with them off.

The Bertie-Gaga album should be available for sale soon at fine music stores and on fine computer gadgets everywhere.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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