Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 6 April 2012

image for American Idol Sends The Obama Family's Favorite Contestant, Deandre Brackensick Back Home
Last week Stevie Nicks gave this Jack-In-The-Box to Deandre Brackensick for good luck.

HOLLYWOOD - Way back in 1968, Dionne Warwick sang the song "Do You Know The Way To San Jose?"

And after this week's American Idol elimination, in which Deandre Brackensick was eliminated, the extremely curly-haired falsetto-voiced 17-year-old will be heading on back home to San Jose.

This edition of AI once again had Hollie "Little Dolly" Cavanaugh in the Bottom 3, along with Elise "Estrogen" Testone and Deandre "The Hair" Brackensick.

Little Hollie realized that she messed up when she chose to sing the Kanye West song "See You In My Nightmares." Music mogul Jimmy Iovine wanted her to sing the Loretta Lynn song "Don't Come Home A Drinkin' (With Lovin' On Your Mind).

Elise opted not to sing the Beatles song "Yellow Submarine" and instead went with the Richie Valens Spanish song "La Bamba.

"Steven "Lips" Tyler liked it as did Jennifer "La Tush" Lopez. Randy "The Dawg" Jackson looked at Ryan "Peaches" Seacrest and asked "Yo, yo, yo Ryan bro, what the hell is a bamba?"

Seacrest smiled and said that he thought it was a type of burrito that can be purchased at any of the hundreds of Tacos, Tacos, and Mucho More Tacos throughout the Greater Los Angeles area.

Deandre, who has a voice higher than 99 percent of the females in the United States, sang the song "Jolene" by Dolly Parton. During the performance Seacrest revealed that Dolly actually tweeted him (Ryan) and told him that she was sorry but that she did not recognize her own song.

And finally it was time for the moment of truth. Seacrest had the director dim the lights, which is really just a phrase because the lights aren't really dimmed.

Ryan announced that Hollie "The Little Dolly" had barely made it by the skin of her baby teeth.

And so that left Deandre and Elise. Many television viewers and music critics do not like Elise because they say that she has a bit of an attitude.

She explained last week to Buck Yazoo with Yippee-Ki-Yay Magazine that she does not have an attitude and that she is just naturally a very, very moody person who hisses and makes faces when she is not happy.

Yazoo pointed out that a lot of people do not care for the fact that Deandre "The Hair" is constantly fiddling with his hair; flinging it back, flipping it forward, putting it in a curly pony tail, and picking at the split ends.

Deandre is thrilled at the fact that President Barack Obama, his wife "The First Mama," and the two "First Kiddoes" are all pulling for him and vote for him after every show.

But sad to say, this week Woody The Wonder Woodchuck picked Deandre to be eliminated. And Woody hit the nail on the head. He is now 4-1 and there is talk that the Mitt Romney campaign may want to hire Woody for his amazing expertise.

American Idol producer Bernadette Penderlicki pointed out that Woody The Woodchuck is under contract and he will continue exclusively with American Idol.

This weeks special musical guests were The Wanted from England and Kellie Pickler from North Carolina. Pickler has lost so much weight she is beginning to look like another blonde country singer LeAnn Rimes.

Kellie sang her brand new single "Granny, I've Done Told Ya Ta Stay Off The Damn Tractor - Goodness Gracious You're 87, And You've Already Run Over Three of Your Walkers."

Next week the remaining 7 contestants will be mentored by Gary Busey and they will be singing the songs of Liberace.

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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