Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 4 April 2012

image for Dancing With The Stars Eliminates Jack Wagner, The Ex-Future Husband of Heather Locklear
An $800 pair of dancing shoes that Jack Wagner was given by Britney Spears. (Photo by Bruno Tonioli).

HOLLYWOOD - Many television media critics agree this year's edition of Dancing With The Stars has the best celebrity dancers in the shows entire 14 seasons.

One of the nicest celebs to ever appear on the show Jack Wagner found himself in the Bottom Three with his partner Anna Trebunskaya of Russia.

Also in the Bottom Three were this year's oldest contestant Gladys Knight, 67, and her partner Tristan MacManus and pop singer Gavin DeGraw and his partner Karina Smirnoff [Pronounced VOD-KA].

The English judge Len "The Grouchy Grouch" Goodman noted that he felt that the reason why Gladys ended up in the Bottom Three was because during her dance number she stepped on MacManus a total of seven times.

Tristan is a real trooper and he continued dancing without missing a step but the seventh time that he was stepped on he did let out an "Ouch!" that was clearly heard by the studio audience as well as by the viewers at home.

But amazingly enough Ms. Knight, who fronted the Pips, was sent to safety and that left McGraw and Wagner.

Carrie Ann Inaba, the Filipino judge, pointed out that the reason why she believes Gavin ended up in the Bottom Three was because a lot of the viewers do not like the way he plays the piano.

Bruno "The Gaytalian" Tonioli remarked that as far as he is concerned DeGraw plays the piano just as good as Liberace did.

After the usual incessant drum beating that seems to go on for minutes DWTS host Tom Bergeron announced that Jack Wagner would be leaving the competition.

Wagner is best know for appearing opposite Heather Locklear in the TV series Melrose Place. He has also appeared in over 19 soap operas including The Bold and The Beautiful, General Hospital, Santa Barbara, and even a Spanish language telenovela, As The Guacamole Turns.

According to Bedroom Pillow Talk, Wagner was supposed to have married his long time girlfriend Heather Locklear but the couple broke up because they could not seem to agree on which of the two was the better looking.

SIDENOTE: Wagner informed Carolina Chipotle of Bedroom Pillow Talk that he and Jill Eggenfickle, 49, former lead singer with The Screaming Banshees of Baton Rouge will be going on a 27-city concert tour starting in May. The tour is being touted as The Jack & Jill Over-The-Hill Concert Tour.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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