Victims who in 1997 had been subjected to James Cameron's Titanic, and many others who had subsequently been affected by watching his film, are protesting at the film being raised from the depths of bad 90s film hell in a new 3D format.
'It's disgusting', says one-time viewer Bettie Ingermaster, 'surely there should be some respect for those who had to sit through this nonsense? He (Cameron) is disregarding and disrespecting those victims of his film by raising it from the dead. I mean if it's on telly at least we have fair warning, but being back in the cinemas there are posters and ads everywhere. I just wanted to forget this painful part of my life and move on, but he just won't let it alone'.
Accidental two-time viewer Carmen Harmonica added, 'I was duped into watching again on TV one Christmas. I'd somehow put the horror of how bad it was to the far reaches of my mind and convinced myself that on seeing it at the cinema I had been either extremely drunk or temporarily insane and that it probably wasn't as bad as I had remembered. I was wrong and it took a long, long time to get over that second viewing. The release of this new version has just brought all those bad memories of both viewings right back to the surface. Please make him stop'.
However, James Cameron hit back last night by commenting, 'Well, by spending my time converting Titanic to 3d and releasing it, at least it means I'm not making more Avatars for the moment'. However, in a further revelation it has been revealed that James Cameron may not have said this and, in fact, I may have made up that quote. An investigation continues.