Written by Ellis Ian Fields

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Topics: BBC, Alice Roberts

Wednesday, 4 April 2012

image for Alice Roberts Fans Not Holding Their Breath Over Woolly Mammoth Doc
A woman, yesterday.

Patient and long-suffering fans of top TV boffin totty Alice Roberts will be breathing easy tonight when she presents a BBC programme on the woolly mammoth.

Anthropologist Dr Roberts has delighted TV viewers over the last few years with her contributions to Coast and has examined how we spread across the planet in The Human Journey.

But one group of fans were excited by her decision to front a programme on wild swimming in 2010 - they hoped to get a glimpse of the good doctor's form, but were treated only to tantalising glimpses of an ankle or a shoulder as she swam naked in a tarn.

"Yes, we've been disappointed too often to get excited about this latest effort," said chair of Dr Roberts's fan club, Bernard Frot. "We've had to make do with those skimpy vest tops on repeats of Coast.

"It will be nice to see Alice tonight, but we're not expecting any glimpses - after all this mammoth is in Northern Siberia. She'd be bonkers to get her kit off up there, wouldn't she."

Such disappointments have led some fans to seek consolation elsewhere, Said Mr Frot.

"Some of our members have transferred their affections to that Bettany Hughes, the historian... but her next programme is about women in the history of faith! That isn't too promising, is it.

"Then there's that bird who presented She Wolves recently, that Helen Castor. She's a bit tasty."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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