Written by queen mudder
Print this

Monday, 4 June 2012

image for Virtuoso's sister Yaltah Menuhin 'was on the fiddle' says biographer
Seen smoking a regular Balkan Sobranie, circa 1948 in Istanbul

London - With her freakish Arch Druidess costumes and massive wobbly posterior the late Yaltah Menhuin has been outed as a feckless tramp according to a new memoir.

Former Royal College of Music Emeritus Professor of Tuba Techniques Sir Busby Bogrovich's new book has described how he caught violin genius Yehudi Menuhin's sister 'on the fiddle' during the famous Missing Stradivarius Scandal of 1977.

The priceless instrument vanished from a practice room at the Royal Albert Hole ahead of the maestro's scheduled concert before Princess Margaret and Henry Kissinger as part of the Queen's Silver Jubilee celebrations.

Valued at around three million dollars the violin was insured with New York's Grzybowski Brothers Inc and usually resided in a lead-lined instrument case.

Its bizarre disappearance just hours before the concert sparked a nationwide hunt - including private detectives hired by Sir Busby whose famous college had temporarily loaned the Strad.

"The lads burst into Yaltah's seedy London apartment," Bogrovich states in Chapter 5, "and found the virtuoso's sister spreadeagled on a leather Chesterfield, a foot-long cigarette holder in her fuschia-painted lips sucking on a purple Sobranie."

With one quick shove the lady was unceremoniously de-throned from the couch to reveal the missing violin tucked up her full-length dress.

Polaroid snaps of the successful raid were eventually sent to her famous brother who just tut-tutted a few times before stating "So what else is new?" when informed of the deception.

The instrument was eventually bought by Django Reinhardt's old mucker St├ęphane Grappelli who played the Max Bruch Violin Concerto No 1 in G minor on it at Carnegie Hall in 1982.

Sir Simon Rattle is 69.

Make queen mudder's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 1 multiplied by 1?

6 1 18 17
44 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more