Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 1 April 2012

image for Joan Rivers Denies That Her And Rush Limbaugh Were Once Lovers
A photo of Rush Limbaugh that was taken on GOP Day of 2009. (Photo courtesy of Nancy Pelosi).

MANHATTAN - Joan Rivers was back at her old stomping grounds in the Big Apple visiting a couple of old friends; her gynecologist, Dr. Abdul Goldengrass and her cellulite specialist, Dr. Okaloosa Luluette Lickachevski.

Rivers, who is known as "The Queen of Mean" is best known for her Red Carpet reporting from many of LaLaLand's television and movie award shows.

Her and her quaintly unembellished daughter Melissa also star in their own reality show Joan and Melissa: Joan Knows Best.

Joan "The Moan" is also the host of another cable show Fashion Police, in which she and Kelly Osbourne sit and cut down what some of Tinsel Town's celebrities are wearing.

And no one is off limits as far as "Old Woman" Rivers is concerned. She has ridiculed, disparaged, and denigrated noted celebrities from Ann Coulter to Wanda Sykes and Lady Gaga to Madam Lottie Jo Lafayette (the voodoo queen of Louisiana).

Rivers was recently dining at New York's Le Loins of Joan of Arc French Restaurant when she was asked if the rumor that she is going to be doing a stand up routine on an upcoming live show of Dancing With The Stars was true.

The 78-year-old grinned as she put down her Geritol Margarita and remarked that she had been approached by Bernadette Penderlicki, producer of DWTS but that she had turned her down because she refused to share a dressing room with Len "The Grouchy Grouch" Goodman.

Rivers explained to Tilapia Frisbee of Right Coast Illustrated Revue that three years ago she was having dinner alone at a Silly Sardine Swedish Restaurant in Sausalito.

And Goodman just happened to be sitting at the next table with his make up artist Corky Butterbuck. Goodman noticed her and he stood up and approached her.

He then proceeded to spew forth several choice expletives at her due to the fact, that as he said, Rivers had two months before referred to Goodman's fellow DWTS judge Carrie Ann Inaba as Miss Filipino Bamboo of 1997.

Security was called and Mr. Goodman was asked to leave. Ironically Mr. Butterbuck was asked by Rivers to join her at her table. He of course denied hurrying after Mr. Goodman.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: According to Larry King. Len Goodman is definitely not gay, but Corky Butterbuck is very gay. In fact King pointed out that Butterbuck is so gay he makes Nathan Lane look like Dog The Bountyhunter.]

Tilapia Frisbee asked Rivers about the rumor that back in the 70s she'd had a passionate affair with Rush Limbaugh.

Joan made a horrible gurgling sound and said that it was all a friggin lie that had been made up by Chelsea "The Blemish" Handler, whom Joan says she cannot stand.

Rivers said that she has never even talked to Limbaugh but if she did she would probably tell him to stop acting like a woman-bashing, sidesaddle-riding, pansy and stick to topics that do not insult innocent females like Sandra Fluke, Michelle Obama, and his 14 or so ex-wives.

Frisbee then asked Rivers why she had such an utter hatred for Ms. Handler. The comedienne replied that Chelsea "The Chumpette" as Simon Cowell calls her, had recently stated that she (J.R.) was so old that she had dated Francis Scott Key, the writer of "The Star Spangled Banner."

Joan noted that Chelsea Handler is so plain looking that she makes Susan Boyle look like Stacy Keibler. Rivers proudly noted that her daughter Melissa even took a shot at Handler whom she said looks like a Bourbon Street drag queen except with a much deeper voice and a lot more facial hair.

SIDENOTE: Joan will be making a guest appearance on The Vampire Diaries where she will be portraying Farfarella McDumont The Sorceress of Verbal Jabs.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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