Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 30 March 2012

image for Lindsay Lohan Is Finally Off Probation - And She Celebrates By Painting The Town Red!
Judge Sautner suggested to Lindsay Lohan that she keep away from individuals such as Paris Hilton. (Shown in photo).

LOS ANGELES - After being on probation for nearly five years, a Los Angeles County judge has lifted the much-troubled starlets probationary status.

Judge Stephanie "The Gavel" Sautner advised the celebutante known as "LiLo" that she wants for her to promise to give up her life of nightclubbing, late night partying, and constant carousing.

Lohan quickly replied, "Yes, yes, yes, your honorable honor. I hear you and I will abide by your worthy words."

Judge Sautner stressed that she wants to see evidence, in the Hollywood tabloids, that she is re-focusing on her fledgling acting career and leaving her party girl reputation behind.

Lohan with tears in her eyes, an eyeliner pencil in her hand, and an orange Tic Tac in her mouth assured the judge that she would immediately see about getting back to acting.

She stated in the courtroom that she is being considered to play the part of Joan of Arc in the Sheboygan Saddlewood film Is That Smoke I Smell?

The judge remarked that she was happy for her and said that she also wanted to make it abundantly clear that she is under no circumstances to go into a jewelry store without adult supervision.

Lohan reminded the judge that at 25, she is an adult. The judge rolled her eyes, raised her eyebrows, and emphasized to Miss Lohan that if she finds out that she has gone into a jewelry store she will have members of the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department arrest her.

And with that Lohan's attorney Shawn "Buddy" Holley put her hand over Lindsay's mouth and softly whispered for her to shut the hell up.

Lohan moved her head up and down as if to say okay.

Before dismissing her the judge made one more statement. She asked Lohan to approach the bench. As the starlet stood in front of the judge's bench, Judge Sautner leaned over and whispered that in her best interest it would be a good idea to stay as far away from bad influences. Lohan softly asked "Like?"

And Judge Sautner replied, "Like Paris Hilton, Taylor Momsen, Courtney Love, and Bristol Palin."

"Gotcha."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry, I meant gotcha your honor."

"One more time little lady."

Lohan turned to her attorney who mouthed the words that Lohan then repeated to the judge.

"I appreciate your excellent advice your honor. And I will absolutely do exactly as you have suggested your honor. And thank you for giving me more chances than the average, non-movie star girl in the United States would ever remotely think about getting."

[EDITOR'S NOTE: It was reported by the iRumors Entertainment News Agency that later that evening Lindsay Lohan was seen with former girlfriend Samantha Ronson and the two were allegedly painting the town red.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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