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Friday, 30 March 2012

image for Steven Tyler Cracks on AI
silicone wonder

On the most recent American Idol show, former rock star and now AI judge Steven Tyler smiled a bit too broadly at one of the shapely young female contestants performing on stage in front of him. Suddenly a crack appeared in the skin of his forehead, and a gooey gravy-like substance (presumably silicone) began to leak out and drip off his nose. Expressionless, Tyler wiped his nose with is long locks as he seemed to grasp for words that would not come. Fellow judge Jennifer Lopez appeared mortified, and was also at a loss for words. Judge Randy Jackson lightened up the moment with "Hey dog, your nose is all wet, but I can't see if your tail is waggin."

This is the second embarrassing appearance for Tyler in as many weeks. In a recent interview on the cable TV "E" channel, Tyler admitted that he never advanced past third grade. Tyler was pointedly asked by the E interviewer why his comments on Idol singer performances are always so similar and so simplistic. He stumbled before giving this surprise response: "I am not educated and I don't talk or read good. I smoked a lot of grass as a kid and maybe it hurt me. I don't regret anything I did, but I never made it past third grade. If they make my idiot cards too hard to read, I have a hard time. So basically, we just use the same two or three cards over and over."

A spokesman for AI indicated that Tyler's on-set problems have been building, and announced that that they are actively seeking a replacement for the impaired star. The circumspect Tyler seemed to take this news in stride, saying he already has an offer to work in a Hollywood wax museum. The only down side, he said, are much longer hours.

Rumor has it that Idol has been considering either Cher or Barbra Streisand to replace Tyler. Cher's excessive weight, combined with her insistence to wear only net black body stockings, have impaired contract negotiations. So have Streisand's demands to appear on camera wearing T shirts condemning G W Bush. With the latest Tyler episode, it now appears that neither singer will be selected, as producers want to avoid any repeat chance of a Tyler-like silicone incident. When asked for his thoughts on the matter, Randy Jackson said "Too bad. At least if Cher broke open she would leak real gravy."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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