Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 30 March 2012

image for American Idol Sends Heejun "Funnybone" Han Back Home To Flushing, New York
Pamela Anderson is a big fan of American Idol and has not missed a single show in its entire 11 seasons.

HOLLYWOOD - And now American Idol's Top 9 have just become the Top 8. This week Elise "Estrogen" Testone from Charleston, South Carolina sang a fabulous rendition of Led Zeppelin's classic "Whole Lotta Love" and it helped to keep her out of the dreaded Bottom 3.

But this week languishing on the B3 stools were Holly "Little Dolly" Cavanaugh, Heejun "Funnybone" Han, and Skylar "The Country Gal" Laine.

The Miranda Lambert wannabe Laine was quickly dispatched to safety by Ryan "Peaches" Seacrest. And Skylar moseyed on over to the safety area quicker than one can say "Why shucks ma'am."

And so it came down to the 19-year-old girl from Florida or the 22-year-old comedian/singer from New York. And after Seacrest had the director dim the lights he announced that Heejun would be leaving the American Idol mansion and heading on back to the Right Coast.

Many in the audience booed but as Steven "Lips" Tyler noted just like music guru Jimmy Iovine had stated, "This is American Idol the music version and not American Idol the stand up comedy version."

Interestingly enough, Han had said that he was going to act more serious and he had even put away his comedy props, including the two-dozen tied up handkerchiefs, the five white doves, the magic wand, and the book Comedy For Dummies.

Jennifer "La Tush" Lopez who stated at least a dozen times that she loved Heejun began to cry and at one point her upper false eyelashes actually got tangled up with her lower eyelashes.

Luckily Randy "The Dawg" Jackson saw what was happening and he managed to help J.Lo separate the two groups of comingled eyelashes.

Ryan saw what was happening and he warned Jackson to be careful because Jenny's 24-year-old boy toy Caspar Smart was watching attentively from the third row.

FOOTNOTE: Woody The Wonder Woodchuck correctly predicted that Heejun Han would be eliminated this week. Woody is now 3-1. Ryan noted that next week the Top 8 will be singing songs by Donny and Marie.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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